Open Hands & Open Doors..

My heart is full FULL FULL here lately. Jesus has been showing and changing so much. I was talking to my friend Katie yesterday afternoon about everything that has been on our hearts. Broken friendships. Friends in trouble. Time with our families. SO MUCH MORE. It has never been easy for me to give up or to be out of control. My entire family will tell you that as much as I call my dad a control freak, we are one in the same. I like to call the shots and I almost always have an opinion. I shared with Katie that through this time in life I know I need to give up and ask God to take control, even if that means losing things or people I value. If I put them above Him, He has to move them out of the way. I know I've shared before about how uncomfortable we are called to be, and I'm feeling that call more than I ever have before. I came across this quote the other day from Francis Chan.. "But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through." WOAH!!! My heart hurts all over again. I hold so much trust back from every relationship I have. I can't tell you why or what caused this, because I'm not sure I know, but I know that Jesus is gonna see me through no matter what, so why am I living like I don't trust Him? I told Katie yesterday that I am scared to ask God to take all those things, and I know He can't if my hands aren't open. I'm scared he'll take my best friends because I sometimes hold them between us. I'm scared he'll take so much control that I can't do what I want. I'm scared that I will have to do something I don't want to do or be somewhere I don't want to be or be something I don't want to be. I'm TERRIFIED for Jesus to have control, but I'm miserable when He doesn't. I remember Mrs. Bailey chanting this verse one morning over our First Priority group in high school, & Jesus keeps leading me back to it now, in personal study and FROGS preparation. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Hallelujah! My prayer is becoming to have open hands and open doors. I am learning how to love my friends and family, but not hold on so tight that He becomes second. I'm praying for peace and opportunities that will lead me to where He wants me, no matter how much I doubt my major. I keep stumbling through, but it only makes me that much more thankful for His overwhelming grace. Love Love Love.

Second Chances & New Beginnings..

The semester is starting out crazy & I know I haven't blogged in so long.. I'm coming into this semester with 137 small goals or resolutions, but I'm mainly trying to make it matter for Jesus. I want to solidify my major, have a better attitude, be more responsible with my money, get rid of all the "pet sins" that seem so small but affect me so much, and share Jesus with everybody I meet, just to name a few. Last semester can't be summed up anymore than to just tell you all that I lost myself. Now, I know that sounds like I went crazy, but I didn't. I DID almost completely stop my quiet time by the end of the semester. I DID stay up way too late, eat way too much, and lose any sense of discipline in my life. I did put Jesus on the back burner, and that's enough to lose myself completely. I lost my foundation and identity, because those can only be found in Christ. I'm saying all this to say that I'm determined that this semester WILL be for Him. I'm being reminded that with anything but Jesus as my basis, I'm guaranteed to fail. So this semester, I want to find a NEW assurance of what Christ wants me to do with my life. I'm an early childhood major now, but I've been thinking about changing. I know this might now make sense at all, but I feel like I don't like it enough to keep it, but I don't dislike it enough to change it. I'm praying for Jesus' perfect peace in my decision and I can't wait to see where He is leading me. I want a NEW attitude that reflects Him and His beautiful love. I want people to see Him shining through me. I want people to want Him because they see that even though, I'm a mess, He's always working! I want to be more responsible with everything, but particularly my money. I want to spend less and give more. I want to get ride of all the teeny things that don't seem like a big deal, but add up to a lot. I want to get rid of the little things that built up to get me where I was last semester. Most importantly, I want to share Jesus with  everybody I meet. I want to share His overwhelming love and grace with anybody and everybody. Thank You, Jesus for second chances & new beginnings! Love Love Love.