Home..

This summer has been crazy, unplanned, & completely out of my comfort zone. I started out at home in Alma, before I went to Africa. When I came back, my parents had made their move to Rison, & were already starting to call it home. God has used this time of moving & transition to turn my world upside down a little.
I can't remember ever being confident through change. I remember being sure my life was ending when we moved in 5th grade. When second semester of 7th grade came, & we were moving again, I was sure death was a better alternative. Even when I moved to Russellville for school, I wasn't sure about all of it, but I thought I was past being "homesick." I've realized that I'm never going to hate being wherever my parents call home, because it's comfortable like nowhere else. I'm never going to hate being in Alma because, a little piece of it will always feel right, even if I don't make my life there. God has thrown my entire definition of home out, and replaced it with this incredible peace and joy that only He can bring. I keep saying, "Jesus! I want to go home," & it's as if instantly, He quiets my fear and discomfort and says, "Rest in Me, child!"
Through all the change & adjustments that have come with this summer, I've began to truly understand that there is no greater "home" then when I rest and rely on my sweet Jesus to get me through. How sweet & comforting it is to know I never have to be homesick again, because the incredible love of my Jesus is home. Love Love Love.

Beautiful Babies..

So.. Africa, huh?! I've been home for two weeks now and I still don't know where to begin talking about my trip or telling all God did. I've rewritten this blog a couple of times and figured out over the past couple of weeks that my trip has nothing to do with me. It is ALL about what Jesus did. To say He moved and changed lives is an understatement. Personally, the trip was full of mixed feelings. On the flight over, I journaled, "I can't even begin to understand and explain what I'm thinking and feeling right now. It's all mixed up. It's all like that. Good vs. Bad. Encouraged vs. Discouraged. Ready vs. Terrified." The first few days of the trip were long and stretching. By the time we got to Quelimane on Friday, I was exhausted, sick, and pretty miserable. I expected to get there and never want to leave. I thought I would feel so at home, but it wasn't like that. I didn't understand why all I wanted was to be home. So at first, that's what I prayed for. I prayed for a renewed purpose, I prayed to understand why I was there, and I prayed that He would break my heart for what breaks His. He instantly made it overwhelmingly clear to me that He brought me to Africa to work in me as much as to work through me. I was too stubborn to listen to Him at home, so He brought me to Africa where there was nothing to listen to but Him. I don't mean that in a selfish way at all. I wasn't focused on myself, but I was focused on what God was teaching me, and that was a lot about myself. I feel like I thought I would get there and He would immediately confirm that I need to be there until the day I die.

That's just where it started. That was all before I went to the peace school and fell in love with the sweet babies.

This is Dacia and I absolutely love her to the moon and back. She's 8 years old and I promise the feelings are mutual. The first day at the peace school, she grabbed my hand and didn't let go until we left a week and a half later. Through both of our tears she asked, "Ataya manana?" She repeated it over and over, "See you tomorrow?" She didn't understand why we weren't coming back. I didn't either. At this point, I was absolutely counting the days to home, but not fully understanding how I was ever going to be okay with not seeing her everyday. She is beautiful, inside and out, but her home is so broken. They all are. The huts were definitely something that set me back and reminded me of how lucky I am. I journaled about it and said, "There are at least 8 houses in the size lot we put one home on. By house, I mean a one or two room makeshift hut of sticks and mud. It's hard to understand how they could ever be used to this. It's hard to understand how we could ever be okay with it. But they are so happy. They have an overwhelming joy and love for their family, community, and country that outshines anything I have ever encountered in the states."

I loved the rest of my trip. That is an understatement actually. But God absolutely broke my heart for Quelimane specifically. I don't know that I'll be back there, but I can say with absolute certainty, that there is no way I can go back to "normal life" after spending two weeks with these sweet faces.

Africa, I love and miss you. Almost as much as Dacia and Nema.

Love Love Love.